Home is where the Heart is (Not the Hurt)

Not that I’m bragging. 

It’s typically not my style to do so but if my fellow countrymen, heck, even just the neighbors who keep watch over (or maybe just snoop around) what I do fail to give me the slightest appreciation or simple genuine support (as they would rather find fault and look for “holes” in my character); other peoples of the world certainly will and I in turn will eventually return the flavour. As I see it, this place is not the place of fruitful interaction for me. It never has. 

I keep initiating every fucking conversation. The natives are unresponsive, uninitiated and almost dead in their spirits, imaginations, sensibilities. I don’t want to keep a life constantly compensating for the inadequacies of others. It’s exhausting to say the least and leaves me with a feeling of emptiness which brings me to a state of abysmal ennui.  

When I leave finally and decidedly, I will have learned from all the negativities and general absurdities abundant in such a needy, lost, transient place, and I would have prepared myself for my next journey in life just as the world has learned to walk with me in my heart and soul/sole. That’s for sure…and it will be grand, as if I would have lived and breathed for the first time. As I have said just recently, I learn from the worst. I still do everyday. I really do…from the absolute worst! 

The way I see it, I have overcome insurmountable odds (on a daily basis) and practically perform little miracles here and there, in my own backyard so to speak. There is a miracle waiting to happen for me this time (somewhere else) where I am simply accepted for who I am. Maybe a true remembrance of home which is what I have been trying to do for myself these past couple of months starts with acceptance.

*For as long as this present configuration exists with my bodyguard Tekla aka Baby Ramos as a thorn on my side, this rant will never be over.* Filipinos are basically double-standard hypocrites. If this be the case, I am not a Filipino at all. 

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