My Endgame

Listen up, those with no ears! This is the endgame. I keep dictating what has to be done because the enemy has no more recourse but to throw everything that I say back to me in a bad way. It has come to its terminality. It filters out the rectitude in me and choose to give me shit, useless I-don’t-know-whats. If this is its way of keeping me alert and on guard, the actual effect is it’s really fraying my nerves. Maybe this is what it wants…just so it can grab my attention to its otherwise useless state of being and so this is what I give him or it (not sure if this is even a human being with redeemable parts).

Well, these are my dictations/instructions for the needy, for the unloved, for the relentlessly vengeful soul. I have known from you from day one and I have given you every chance at love and I am shameless. You have shirked at every opportunity. You have been fearful of me from the very start. You have always always shunned me, especially in my hour of need. What makes you think things will change now? What makes it think it will go on with life now that I have discovered a whiff of freedom, of self-discovery even, of progress. What makes you think I will turn to the dark side? Now, die!

To put it bluntly as this is your style of communication, you to me are nothing but a fading entity, almost dead at this point. You’re just noise, quite the opposite of what I believe in. You’re just a thorn at my side and I can easily get rid of you. The reason I choose to hear you is because maybe you support me and I am at the stage where I am about to have a lift off. You are the necessary scaffolding for my rocket ship to launch far into the unknown, the new frontier I am about to set foot in. To keep things civil, I am writing this down so you know where you stand and you also know where you will end up….right where you are, soon to be just scattered, shattered embers. I have no pity for you for this is a realization of what I’ve already been through and through. 

They say that happiness begins with a decision. I have already decided and so I am happy. Every step I take leads me to a place I know will keep me exactly as I am, exactly as I want myself to be. You may think we are visibly close but in our minds, we are eternally disconnected. The dissonance has never been louder, clearer, more distracting. I have never been evident or even obvious in my life as I am being right now. As much as you want me to die a thousand deaths each day, I want to live in the exact inverse proportion. I have already died a thousand deaths. Time to live a thousand more hapenises for just compensation. No use crying over shit. Unlike you, I have important work to do.